Tyra Banks is having a tough week. After the scandalous final episode of her hit franchise America's Next Top Model outraged viewers and led many of the show's fans to swear off the most pleasurable guilty pleasure in the world for the rest of eternity, news broke that the former supermodel had broken up with her boyfriend of three years, banker John Utendahl.
This is big news. Mostly because I didn't even know Tyra Banks had ever dated anyone ever, so give me a sec to process these events at supersonic speed.
Okay, done: I'm impressed that the big T managed to keep a long-term relationship so low-profile and now I just want to give her a giant hug. I've learned that she's jetted off to Bali for a spiritual retreat while her former flame is bouncing around New York, dining with "a leggy Russian model." Ex-boyfriends are the worst.
Since I happen to be an expert breakup consultant, I feel compelled to offer Tyra some advice:
- Stop calling your Bali vacation a "spiritual retreat" just because you watched Eat, Pray, Love. Self-deception is the number one obstacle to recovery.
- Don't be ashamed to listen to Lily Allen. Like, a lot of Lily Allen.
- Read (good) books written by (smart) women. I can offer personalized recommendations, based on preferred genre and mood.
- White wine (with friends, in moderation of course).
- Get a kitten. You'll feel like you're living inside YouTube.
- Stop living in shame and tell the world why Angelea Preston was disqualified from America's Next Top Model.
Photo courtesy of PNP/Wenn.com