Ladies and gentlemen, this is the moment you've all been waiting for: Victoria Beckham finally has a new little daughter to love and cherish and primp and costume to her heart's desire. With a mini-Posh on our hands, there's no telling what kind of fashion confections are in store, but honestly, nothing that happens from here on out should come as a surprise: if John Galliano designs the baby girl's christening gown, you shouldn't even bat an eye, just keep moving, nothing to see here.
But of course, I'm a skipping a step here. The most important thing to know about the former Spice Girl's new daughter? She has a name, a gloriously weird, unappealing name: Harper Seven. Posh and Becks decided on "Harper" for no interesting reason whatsoever (totally ignoring my awesome advice to title their baby girl "Queen Victoria Beckham"), but I suppose that would have been fine, but the love-happy couple decided to give their one and only daughter a number as a second name. I get that seven is a lucky number and that used to be David's jersey number, but "Harper Seven" might as well be a seventh-generation cyborg in a steampunk science fiction novel. Not the best name for the soon-to-be reigning queen of celebrity progeny.