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Read an Excerpt from Tyra’s Novel

Tyra Banks ModellandOh, Tyra. You're like, my sunshine, but even I find your latest exploits to be indefensible. Unlike your glorious reality freak show, American's Next Top Model, it seems that your new "novel" Modelland isn't just inane, it's also incomprehensible.

A sample chapter from your fantasy fashion tome is up on Barnes and Noble and oh, fashion gods almighty, it appears that you actually wrote the thing on your own.

Two girls got into a fight at the end of their makeshift catwalk, rolling to the ground. "Kenya, use the Gyaku Zuki move!" her mother screamed. "Reverse- punch the hairy hag! But watch your hair, sweetie!" 

Tookie wheeled around. The hairy hag was Abigail Goode, sideburns in full glory, faint mustache above her upper lip, unshaven leg hair coating her calves, underarm hair swaying in the wind, and a DOWN WITH RAZORS! picket sign still in her hands. The girl she was fighting with tried out a karate move on her, but Abigail expertly evaded her blow.

Erm, I'm a pretty good reader and maybe I'm not trying hard enough to understand the genius here, but my four-week-old kitten could cough up a hairball and that would make a better story.

Read more on BarnesAndNoble.com [via Jezebel]

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