Oh, to die and be reborn as Karl Lagerfeld's Siamese kitten!
On the hierarchy of species, the domestic cat typically ranks well below the human person, and for good reason: awesome and adorable as our feline friends might be, they lack the problem solving skills, capacity for abstract reasoning, and self-awareness which have allowed people to develop language, science, art, and a sprawling, complex global civilization. All of this enterprise may well burn down the planet and lead to the extinction of the human race, but we've had a pretty impressive run, at least in comparison to cats.
You know why cats weren't the ones that invented the wheel or discovered the law of gravity? Because left to their own devices, they don't do much besides sleep for like, eighteen hours a day, eat every morsel of food set in front of them, and have violent, thrashing sex. They spend their free time licking themselves and playing with strings. No judgement! It's a nice life, if you can get it, but I'm just saying that the human race is a touch more sophisticated.
Which is why it's insane and morally abhorrent that Karl Lagerfeld's supercute kitten, Choupette, "has two personal maids, for both night and day." I'd like to believe that the Chanel designer was just kidding when he revealed this to a reporter at WWD, but I don't think servants or felines are, for Lagerfeld, a laughing matter. People have overturned monarchies on the basis of their injustice, we're living in a world devastated by famine, war, poverty, and pollution — and yet meanwhile, somewhere in Paris, a really really rich guy is frittering away gobs of cash to treat a goddamn cat like a princess?
Lagerfeld's remarks in full:
"She is a famous beauty. She is nine months old. [Model] Baptiste [Giaconi] gave her to me for Christmas to watch for two weeks when he was away but then I refused to give her back. I thought she was too cute. She is like a kept woman. She has a strong personality. She has lunch and dinner with me on the table, with her own food. She doesn’t touch my food. She doesn’t want to eat on the floor. She sleeps under a pillow and she even knows how to use an iPad. She has two personal maids, for both night and day. She is beyond spoiled."
I'm typically fond of the Chanel designer's shenanigans, but I'm done giving him a pass to act like a heartless robot just for the sheer entertainment value. Having more empathy for animals than for humans is a hallmark of narcissism, and Lagerfeld's behavior is pathological, not cool.
Image via Twitter