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Kate Middleton Is Having a Royal Baby

The most glamorous figure of our time, Kate Middleton, was admitted to King Edward VII Hospital in London today due to a glamorous case of morning sickness. (How very. Now I want to vomit, too.) Yes, she's having a baby. Yes, it's been confirmed, so steel yourself for the next episode of Kate Middleton's Life, brought to you by every media property everywhere, ever. The world will soon be nothing but glow and maternity wear. 

Okay, here you go: Representatives of the palace confirm that the Duchess is in the “very early stages” of her pregnancy, so she's going to spend a couple days hanging out at the hospital being nutritioned and hydrated before returning home to Clarence House, where she'll require even.more.rest. Please tell me that every woman that's ever had a baby is rolling her eyes right now? 

Since the British Parliament passed a law changing the guidelines for succession (gender is no longer a factor, how progressive!), Kate's baby will one day rule England, regardless of sex. 

I feel sorry for Kate Middleton. Sure, she married a Prince, so she did consent to a private life turned out for public consumption (televised weddings might seem commonplace by this point, but I still think they're weird and gross), but being a vessel for the future ruler of England sounds extremely unfun, practically a Rosemary's Baby situation. I would lose my mind. I guess that's one of the infinite reasons I'm not a princess.

All my misgivings aside, I'm sure she and Prince William are very happy. Congratulations!!

Image via Getty

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