How a Whole Foods Juice Box Led the NYPD to a Fashion Publicist Turned Art Thief

Our hero fled to Europe, but when he saw that the NYPD was on the hunt (they were sharing screenshots from the security camera which showed him just casually stealing a famous painting with major news outlets all around the world), he removed the Dali from its frame, rolled it up into a poster tube and sent it back to the U.S. 

Since he didn’t take any measures to prevent himself from fingerprinting all over the tube and the painting before sending it back, police quickly discovered that they were dealing with the same idiot who’d stolen juice from Whole Foods the previous year. (Literally, anyone that’s ever seen a police procedural or like, Pretty Little Liars even, would have worn gloves and bypassed the whole fingerprint situation.)

The cops “lured him” back into the U.S. by (true story) posing as an art consultant at a gallery which neighbored the one he stole from. This guy is being such an unbelievable idiot I have to think this is either 1) a weird, poorly calculated guerrilla marketing scheme for either Moncler, the high-end French outerwear brand he’s been a publicist for, or the gallery he thieved from (as reported last year by NBC), Venus Over Manhattan, or 2) a performance art piece?

 

Collage made with Sketchfu juice box

 


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