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The Most Ridiculous Moments from Kimye’s Pre-Wedding Dinner, as Told by André Leon Talley

Image: WENN.com

Image: WENN.com

You didn't think that because the Kimye wedding was billed as being an "intimate" affair that Vogue wouldn't be there to document the whole thing? After all, it was Kanye's *dream* for he and his wife-to-be to grace the cover, and that wish was granted by the grace of Anna Wintour and Grace Coddington, who suggested they put the couple on the cover in the first place. To return the favor, Kim and Kanye have invited André Leon Talley to write about the nuptials.

ALT never lets us down with his colorful quips and eye for detail. After reading his packing list for the affair and finding out that just one of his many capes takes up an entire heavy duty hockey gear bag,  we knew that any reportage to follow was going to be downright juicy and definitely hilarious… intentionally or unintentionally.

And so, today, the magazine published an account of Kim and Kanye's pre-wedding dinner, that went down at Valentino Garavani's Château de Wideville in France. Here are the highlights:

"Kourtney, my luncheon partner, was in white Alexander McQueen leather biker jacket and a long white lace Valentino dress that she purposely left long and trailing the ground. Fashion alert! Clearly the Kardashian sisters are bringing back maxi fashion by wearing long lace dresses for day."

Good one, uncle André! A man in a cape knows that maxis are always in style for day!

"And then, which bought tears to my eyes, in Italian, [Valentino] toasted Kim and Kanye: 'I wish you much success, a lot of love, and a long life.' 

We're guessing he's an easy crier.

"Conversation between Valentino, Kris, and Kim was all about Pilates. Valentino shared he does it every day with trainers in New York, London, and Paris, while Kris was questioning and seeking advice on where to put her new Pilates equipment at home."

Aaaand, just like your family, the Kardashian-Jenners sometimes have boring mealtime conversations.

“I love people who love food. When people don’t love food, they make me nervous,” [Valentino] said. His guest of honor, Kim chimed in. “There’s nothing better than sharing a great moment with people you love, it becomes a special memory.”

Non-sequitur much? Was Kim even listening to what Valentino was saying before she opened her mouth?

"As Kourtney shared memories of Kim cutting the bows from her favorite Dior pajamas when they were children, she asked for ginger ale, impossible to find anywhere in Paris. Presto, out of the waiter’s hand in five minutes was homemade ginger with lemon. (I asked for the same glass, and it was better than any ginger ale I ever tasted in my life.)"

So… Kourtney didn't get her ginger ale after all? Also: Parisians don't drink ginger ale? Ya'll slipping…

Read the rest of the account at Vogue.com

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