For me, the Gchats started coming early this morning: "The Internet is going to rip itself apart today over Beyonce," wrote my friend Andrew.
Me: "I know, it's on every site."
Andrew: "Big news. Internet Excited Over PR Stunt."
Me: "Lol. I'm going to steal that from you."
Andrew: "Please. Oh: 'Beyoncé shit-talks over a trap-ish beat. Includes sampled excerpts of 'We Should All Be Feminists,' a speech by Nigerian novelist Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. I’m not certain that Beyoncé would have self-identified as a feminist five years ago.'"
Me: "Another iconic feminist moment. I don't like what's happening to feminism."
Andrew: "It's being commoditized?"
Andrew: "Honestly, and this may be controversial, but I don't like Beyonce. Not that some of her songs aren't good, but she's so manufactured. And how everyone worships her is a loss, I think, for music. The PR machine, the awards machine, the world tour machine. I don't know. She's too big to fail."
Me: "I mostly agree. #Rihanna."
Andrew: "Rihanna has actual character, I think. Does real people things. Makes mistakes, etc. Everyone is like GROUNDBREAKING BEYONCE MADE VIDEOS FOR HER MUSIC. Just, lol. Stfu, Internet. Leave me alone. I'm going back to bed."
Me: "Some band I follow on Facebook posted about it: 'If ya don't know, Beyoncé just released a new record with 17 videos accompanying it. Without any hype or press about the release. Nice move!' Lol, 'no hype!'"
Andrew: "I just can't with this. It must be nice to be so rich you can A) have a platinum selling album come out like, whenever B) have money for the best studios, producers, artists C) have unlimited budget to produce more music videos than you even have songs. 'Nice move.'"
Andrew: "The 41 Most Unbelievably Flawless And Life-Changing Moments From Beyoncé’s New Album"
Me: "It's all trash. Let's throw out the Internet."
Andrew: "It smells."
All that being said, it's my pleasure to reiterate that this morning, Beyoncé released a surprise album on iTunes (simply called, Beyoncé), with 14 new songs and 17 teaser videos. In one of them, titled Yoncé, the pop star unveils a new cigar-smoking alter ego — as The Daily Mail rather dramatically put it, "Sasha Fierce is dead."
For our purposes, the more interesting bit is that the video features three of today's top black models: Joan Smalls, Chanel Iman and Jourdan Dunn wear grills and gyrate to the tune of Beyonce's newfound badassery.
The clip is below.
Also! Here's the video for the song "Mine" (featuring Drake) which was directed by Terry Richardson. (I guess Beyoncé never heard about that petition, huh?)
And here's "Blue," which includes a cameo by Blue Ivy:
Around the web: