There were very few details about Natalie Portman's new baby, so let's gossip about her relationship!
Congrats to new parents Natalie Portman and Benjamin Millepied! The actress has given birth to her first child, a baby boy. The couple's been keeping quiet about their new kid's new name, so you'll have to keep holding your breath until someone from the Portman-Millepied camp releases a statement. The couple met on the set of Black Swan, where Millepied was working as choreographer. (And if you don't know that Portman starred in the film and won an Academy Award for her portrayal of a psychotic overworked ballerina, I'm not even really sure how you found your way onto the internet in the first place.) My sources report that the ballet world is up in arms about the Natalie/Benjamin relationship: after meeting Natalie (and subsequently proposing to her/impregnating her, in whatever order those events transpired), Millepied cut things off with longtime live-in girlfriend Isabella Boylston, a soloist with the American Ballet Theater. The love triangle is plenty juicy on its own, but it also feeds into ballet dancers' deepest insecurity: that they might be beautiful and talented, but that they're working in a medium that's essentially irrelevant to the public. Which it is, except when a ballet person dates a movie star — which has to be good for ticket sales. [INeedMyFix]
It's possible that Kanye West spent his 34th birthday making out with Mary Kate Olsen
Some people have been saying some really interesting things about Mary Kate Olsen and Kanye West — namely, that they were caught making out at Kanye's 34th birthday last Tuesday night. Who doesn't love an odd couple? [HollywoodDame] Especially because Mary Kate is a short, asexual fashion gremlin and Kanye West is basically twice her size and totally crazy. And so it isn't surprising that Olsen's rep has issued a statement claiming that the story's untrue. [AmyGrindhouse]
Lindsay Lohan's life under house arrest is better than my life as a free person
Even though she stole a $5K necklace, Lindsay Lohan got to skip the whole "Go Directly to Jail" thing that tends to happen after one is found guilty of this type of crime, she's definitely been suffering. Sentenced to house arrest for a whole thirty days, Lindsay's been locked up in her Venice beach pad, looking out at the ocean, completely cut off from the outside world. Oh wait, except for the fact that she's been hosting pool parties and lounging around in the sun, which is basically the equivalent of being water-boarded, so she really deserves all of our compassion and support as she pulls through this trying time. If I were locked in my house for thirty days, I'd probably develop an iron deficiency and a habit of talking to myself. Although I already do talk to myself. Kind of often. Like right now, even. I'm saying, "Please sentence me to house arrest in a great Venice apartment with access to a private pool and lots of money to order tons of useless stuff online." [GirlsTalkingSmack]
Getting over James Franco
It's been a long, long time since I've written about James Franco, and we all know why: it turns out that my love for him wasn't strong enough, pure enough, to withstand his abysmal, apathetic performance and subsequent public humiliation as co-host of the Academy Awards. I've moved on, developed my own interests, made myself open to new relationships — I've rekindled what I once had with Alexander Skarsgard — and I think it's made me stronger, better. Hard as it might have been to deal with my disappointment, James Franco, I now know that it's the best thing that's happened to me in years. Faced with your inadequacy, I was forced to turn away and reckon with my own. And I feel now that my next love will be stronger, that it'll be able to withstand more, expect less — and it's all thanks to you. If you hadn't choked at the Oscars, James Franco, who knows where I'd be? Maybe laying on my bedroom floor, buried under photographs of you.
This isn't a goodbye, because I now don't have to ignore your existence away, James Franco — I'm welcoming you to a new stage in our relationship. We can be friends now. And I can look at your latest turn as fashion photographer without getting heart palpitations. You photographed Agyness Deyn as a rebel for Elle, and the photographs might be nice, but I know a secret about the pictures: you were really photographing yourself, James Franco; the rebel in the photos is the rebel of your fantasies, your dreams. Just like everything you've ever produced, the photo series was all about you — Agyness was just a stand-in, because self-portraits are tough to master. I'm kind of bored of you. And that's why, even though I wish you the best, James Franco, I wish myself better. [Elle]