Rudeness on the board

[adorefaith]

i understand both sides here...
and what a hard balance it is to strike...
but i have to say- if whatever is going on at tfs is affecting you to the point where you are sitting at home in front of your computer and continually feeling upset or frustrated or bullied, maybe its time to step back and spend less time here....

please dont misunderstand me-
this is not directed specifically at you, assembler....and is certainly not an accusation....i dont deny that there may be some rudeness, and that certain members are provocative and aggressive at times.....but things can only be moderated here within reason......and at a certain point we have to shake our heads and laugh at the absurdity and walk off into our 'real' life (you know what i mean...) having taken something good from tfs, not being burdened....

real life is challenging enough....
its a choice to be here at tfs, and to be involved....
who needs added stress?..... i think the mods constantly try to re-negotiate their strategies in order to find a balance, but at the end of the day its an internet community and there's only so much that can be done.......

*this is not to diminish the greatness or importance of tfs at all...
it has had a big impact on me in my 'real' life and i'm sure has done the same for many other members....but having said that, when things here frustrate me, i still shake my head and walk away from the computer....easy as that....(and i'm sure mods have a harder time doing that....because they are so involved in the process of keeping this place sane)

dont carry the stress or frustration, assembler....try and enjoy it

[ultramarine]

Originally Posted by Assembler

The "this is a happy, safe environment for posters" is a myth.

OMFG! I SO disagree ... I have been on this board for YEARS and its one of the coolest, most polite places I've ever been ... It has even helped me w/me being a potty mouth -well, kinda, lol-

Again, as someone mentioned, I totally skip the Star Style forum, this aint the INSTYLE weekly forums, its the Fashion Spot.

Oh ... and even though Ive had major faux pas and utterly disagree with the weight thingie ... I had two choices: Follow the rules or leave. Im still here.

[model_mom]

adorefaith,you should go into public relations. That was an excellent post.

[jennifer~]

Originally Posted by kanita

I never noticed any real rudeness, to be honest. Some slightly insulting things, but I find them rather amusing. There's got to be a little humor.

I agree that is mostly what I perceive, though you'll always have two camps of people visiting celebrities' threads: ones who support Kate Moss/Bosworth/whomever and those who think she's a talentless no one. The truly ambivalent ones tend to avoid those threads in the first place, for lack of interest - whether positive or negative

[jennifer~]

Before I forget, I should clarify that I mentioned those examples to suggest the very nature of those threads can facilitate tension, and not to imply that a happy medium doesn't lie between extremes. It is just (as has been said) a tough balance to acheive and maintain...

[city girl]

there's rude people everywhere..tfs or not
the mods do the best job they can
as adorefaith said try not to let it get to you

[polly]

I'm pretty much terrified to post on tfs...maybe its just me. There are definately people who are so nice that it makes your day! but then there are others who seem like they can't wait to attack!

I think the mods do an incredible job though!

[VainJane]

I really don't have anything insightful to say in this post. Just thought I'd put my two cents in.

I've been a member of other forums and I feel that TFS is a pretty friendly place in comparison....though I have seen rudeness on this forum and it is hard to ignore. It doesn't happen so often that its ruined my TFS experience but I do agree with Assembler that it does happen enough that you notice it.

My personal feeling is that some people aren't socially aware enough...or aren't empathetic of other's feelings when they're discussing (or arguing) an issue online. We are pretty blind in the forums when it comes to reading other people's emotions because we can't hear the tone of their voice or see their facial expressions to fully grasp the meaning of their message. And I'm pretty sure that a percentage of people who interact in forums aren't aware of this or don't really care how their message comes across to the reader just as long as they get to say what they want to say (I can name a few TFS members like this ). I can't guarentee that I haven't insulted anyone but I sincerely try not to.

Some people are just assh*les who don't care if they insult anyone and others are so blindly caught up in their beliefs/opinions that they refuse to 'let the issue go' until they've beaten it into the ground, done a hula dance on it and spit ten times.

[kisa]

Originally Posted by PrinceOfCats

I express my (negative) opinions on a wide variety of famous people on a regular basis and nobody takes me up on it. I don't often post in Star Style though as it's the most boring part of the forum, so maybe what you describe is more common in certain types of threads.

I would say, from reading your posts, no one ever takes you up on it because you post so eloquently and with wit. I don't think anyone really wants to argue with you for fear that you will humiliate them.

Recently I have noticed some rudeness on the boards, but like everyone has mentioned it seems to be with celeb-obsessed people, and in my personal experience scene-obsessed people. I wonder is it ok to report a post because it's rude/contains personal attacks? Does it even do anything?

I'm also getting kind of sick of being accused of being a "hater" or "insecure," etc, and I love arguing, so I sometimes take the bait. I don't really know what to suggest to fix things, maybe "controversial" threads like the Myspace Appreciation one (which has really become a joke in my opinion) could become pics only. Like you introduce the myspace person you are going to post, post their pics, and that's it. I realize that inhibits the discussion, but so do the endless "this is stupid" and agreeing emoticon posts.

[city girl]

Originally Posted by kisa

and in my personal experience scene-obsessed people. I wonder is it ok to report a post because it's rude/contains personal attacks? Does it even do anything?

i have to agree with that.often times it's being intentionally rude and arrogant..and not always just concerning personal attacks on members. not everyone in those threads are like that though maybe it comes with the (scene) territory?
i'm not a mod but reporting it would be the best option

[SiennaInLondon]

Assembler, I used to feel the way you did, but then I started posting on various music forums and my god, it isn't worth it. If it isn't foul-mouthed teeny boppers, it is endless threads with the same title, or various forms of bigotry... etc etc.

The best thing, as AdoreFaith said, is to get over it because usually your own frustrations ruin your use of this forum.

I mean have your argument out... I for one get a kick out of reading other people's bickering... but keep it in that thread and keep it expletive free.

And it's true that we can't guage opinion so that tends to make things flare up, but smilies really help and also be aware of this on both sides... even if someone has flared up at something you didn't mean to imply

[kanita]

Originally Posted by SiennaInLondon

Assembler, I used to feel the way you did, but then I started posting on various music forums and my god, it isn't worth it. If it isn't foul-mouthed teeny boppers, it is endless threads with the same title, or various forms of bigotry... etc etc.

The best thing, as AdoreFaith said, is to get over it because usually your own frustrations ruin your use of this forum.

I mean have your argument out... I for one get a kick out of reading other people's bickering... but keep it in that thread and keep it expletive free.

And it's true that we can't guage opinion so that tends to make things flare up, but smilies really help and also be aware of this on both sides... even if someone has flared up at something you didn't mean to imply

I must say I have seen some abuse of this smilie:

[city girl]

it's somewhere between and

[SiennaInLondon]

I must come across as supremely excitable because the woot and the rofl get serious usage. I even try and use them on other forums or in emails but obviously to no avail. I barely have to use the smilie dictionary any more.

[kanita]

Wait I remember something that really got me angry, I actually asked a Mod if it could be removed. It was really bad, but I din't want it to become an argument on the board.