Rudeness on the board

[BetteT]

Xmodel citizen ...

I'm sorry you feel that your report did not get any attention.

The mods are volunteers ... and put in as many hours as they can here ... but sometimes something is missed when it's reported because we are otherwise occupied with career, family, illnesses and vacations, etc. We are not perfect and things slip through. My appologies, if this is something that we missed.

Or ... another possiblility is that it has been discussed among the mods and deemed not significant enough to remove it. In that case, you would not be aware that it had been addressed, but I can assure you that if we are made aware of even "borderline" violations, we will not let that poster continue in the vein for very long.

You will not be made aware of any disciplinary actions we take (PM's explaining the rules, formal warnings, suspensions, and complet bans) because it's confidential. The only time you would be aware of any action on our part, is to see the ofending posts get edited or deleted.

If it's still an issue with you, and the offending post is still there, feel free to PM me with a link to the post in question and I'll take a second (or first) look at it for you. We really do appreciate when posts that clearly violate the guidlines are reported to us ... because we can't be everywhere on this huge board, all the time.

[Whitelinen]

I think I have, from time to time, been rude here. I apologise for everyone and try to learn manners

[BetteT]

WhiteLinen ... that is a very nice thing to say.

We all have our moments when we post something that is not kind or is rude when we feel strongly about something. We've all made mistakes. But what counts is what we do, going forward.

What I try to do, when I find that someone has upset me, is to walk away from the computer for a few minutes.

Then, if I still want to say something,. I always re-read my post before I post it. I want to make sure that I'm being clear so no one can misunderstand my point and that I am not saying anything that might anger or hurt the other person. It slows me down long enough to not post rude or hurtful things. There's many things I've written that I never posted ...

[Whitelinen]

That is good advice. I think what is considered rude sometimes varies from culture to culture. For example, I am from Scandinavia. Compared to the French, the British or the American, we seem very rude as we are quite cold to others. It's just something that comes with the culture, and to us it is not rude. That is why I think sometimes one can take a post as rude because in his or her culture it is rude or a little bit "cold".

[D77q1]

It's also a matter of forum culture, isn't it? This is one of the most well-behaved boards I've seen (at least the sub-forums I visit). I've found myself posting things here, just to minutes later think "yikes, maybe that was a bit harsh", and that never happens on other boards I frequent, where people are more... blunt.

I do think there are plenty of besserwissers here, that to some might come across as rude when telling people "how it REALLY is" (<-- I'm occassionally one of them, although I try not to), but I think that's another matter. I rarely see personal attacks, or backstalking, foul language or anything.

Bette's advice is very good. I should really start practising the walk-away thing.