Sometimes you need to define something by what it isn’t. This isn’t the friend who worries about you a lot. This isn’t the friend who can’t handle some aspects of your personality. This isn’t the friend who is going out with your boyfriend’s best friend. Sometimes this person is a little removed from the rest of your circle, making it easier and safer to divulge the nitty gritty. When you say you hate your other best friend/Mom/husband, she knows you don’t really hate them, but also doesn’t discount your feelings in the moment. You can tell her exactly what you drank on that business trip or what you did with that bartender (where is the really shocking part, anyway) without her going all nutzo. She takes it in stride and accepts you for all your little indiscretions and foibles, what you divulge today isn’t going to affect how she looks at you tomorrow.
2. The friend who’s a better person than you
You know it deep down. Even if it’s not really true, it’s your truth — this person is just better than you. Maybe she gets along with all her relatives and in-laws and makes flawless duck confit. Or maybe she is your moral compass. Either way, you don’t always feel like you can tell this person everything. But when you need to make a decision or know if you did the right thing, you know their face or voice will tell you the truth even when their words cushion the blow. You need someone who you can depend on to keep you accountable to your goals, resolutions, and your authentic self. They may question you – you may need it.
It’s easy to let the threads of childhood friendships unwind, which makes it all the more special when you have a playmate you’ve stayed tight with. There’s a shorthand with someone you grew up with which makes communicating that much easier and more seamless. You don’t have to explain why what that jerk said hurt your feelings, he or she knows because they know your history, your insecurities, and your sensitive spots. Because you don’t have to explain a backstory or where you’re coming from, your conversations are full of the more meaningful stuff. Knowing who you were then gives them insight into who you are now. Plus, it always helps to have someone around who’s seen you at your best and your worst to tell you that this moment you’re living is neither of those extremes.
images: IMAXtree
