With the advent of Tinder and about 100,000 other dating apps and websites, it often feels like dating couldn't be more complicated these days. We asked Talia Goldstein, the founder of Three Day Rule, which just announced a partnership with Match.com, to help answer all of our nagging questions.
theFashionSpot: How did you become a matchmaker?
Talia Goldstein: I worked at E! Entertainment on the show E! True Hollywood Story, but most of my day would be spent giving relationship advice from my cubicle. From there, I started matching my TV department and managed to successfully match many of my co-workers. I also matched my friends and at my own wedding had 10 couples I had matched. I love matching people. It’s like a puzzle, figuring out who would work well together. Since most of my friends were single, a friend and I hosted singles events around town to bring our friends together. The first event had 20 people at a dive bar and within months we were hosting events for 600 people at huge venues in Los Angeles. I would run around at the events trying to match people on the spot. I was so into it, I quit my job in TV and started a matchmaking company.
tFS: How has the dating world changed since you started your career?
TG: It has changed so much! When I started, the big websites were Match, eHarmony and JDate. Now there are endless dating apps to choose from. You want to just hook up? There is an app. You want an affair? No problem, there is an app for you too. It’s fascinating. For me in particular, over the years the stigma of using a matchmaker has lessened so people feel much more comfortable with the idea of outsourcing their love life to me. Plus, we have lots of success stories under our belt, which helps too.
tFS: What do you say to people who don't feel comfortable dating online?
TG: I believe it’s important to be proactive in your love life. You can’t wait around for Prince Charming to arrive anymore. That said, I understand why people don’t feel comfortable or don’t have to time to online date, which is why they hire us to do the work for them. We interview the clients to find out what they are looking for, and then we narrow our database down to the ones who could be great matches, and then we meet all of those potentials over coffee to get to know them. Once we find someone we truly believe would be a match, we send them to our client. All the client has to do is say “yes” to meeting them. It’s a much more efficient way of dating when someone else is pre-dating for you.
tFS: Why opt for a matchmaker and what makes one credible or not?
TG: It’s important to have a dating portfolio and be as proactive in dating as possible. Ideally, you would be on Match, Three Day Rule and be going to parties and events to put yourself out there. That way you have the bases covered. At Three Day Rule, we have an extremely high customer satisfaction rate. Obviously, our success stories rave about us, but even our clients who don’t end up with someone at the end, also love our service because they learn about themselves as daters and feel more confident in themselves and their dating choices. They also feel a huge sense of relief that someone else is looking for their match 24/7. Our matchmakers definitely do that. Depending on what our client is looking for, we will attend conferences to find corporate types, we will stand outside Whole Foods to find healthy types and we’ll head to Comic Con for the cute nerds. We never stop. While I am out to dinner with my husband, I often get up several times to talk to a cute guy who seems like my client’s type. You really have nothing to lose by hiring a TDR matchmaker. I have no doubt that you will be happy with the experience.
tFS: Any tips for meeting someone at a bar/getting someone's attention?
TG: Oh, I have many, but my biggest piece of advice is to be proactive. I sound like a broken record. I know this first hand. There is no way my husband would have approached me at the party we met at. I saw him across the room and demanded that my friend bring him over. He did and the rest is history. The same goes for at a bar. Go up to a guy and start chatting. If he acts rude, you would never want to date him anyway. After you land the first date, you can go back to being traditional.
tFS: Tips for building an online profile?
TG: Here are few tips:
- Avoid posting photos of you with food. I see this a lot where girls post a photo of themselves eating a massive steak or taking a bite of a giant turkey leg. It’s not the best choice for a profile photo.
- Be unique. Everyone loves laughing, is a loyal friend, and wants to travel. Try to write things about you that are different and can easily strike up a conversation.
- Don’t lie about anything. What’s the point? The second your date finds out the truth they will consider you an untrustworthy person and that is far worse than you being 10 pounds overweight or 2 inches shorter.
- I think the biggest mistake is writing too little on your profile. The most common complaint we hear is, “She looks pretty in her photo but there is nothing on her profile that would help me draft a unique message.” Guys don’t want to write, “Hey, you look pretty, let’s chat,” because that sounds creepy. Take the time to complete your profile.
tFS: What are common mistakes people make when they go out to a bar to meet someone?
TG: Girls act coy and unavailable. When you go to a bar to meet guys, go meet guys. Don’t huddle with your friends and hope someone approaches you. If you sit down with friends, put a few empty chairs next to you where a couple of guys could easily join you. You have to be as open and friendly as possible. Put that guard down!
tFS: What are your thoughts on Tinder?
TG: I think Tinder is a great tool to have in your dating portfolio. If you have time to swipe and chat with guys, do it. Just be mindful that not everyone on Tinder is looking for a serious relationship. On Three Day Rule, not everyone is accepted on our online dating website and our main criteria is that you must be open to a committed relationship.