Let’s get real, people. Closets are full of crap. It’s the nature of the beast. Where do you put something you don’t want a dinner guest to see? In the closet. Where do you keep your important paperwork? In the closet. How about that stash of Goodwill bags you’ve never taken to the drop off or the 3-year-old shoes you’ve only worn once? We’ll give you one guess.
If your closets overfloweth, there’s only one thing to do this spring. Purge. Here’s a list of items you’ll want to chuck* first. For real this time. We mean it.
1. Items that belong to, resemble, smell like or remind you of your ex.
2. The bridesmaid dress you were supposed to DIY last May.
3. “Period underwear.”
4. Gym clothes that never go to the gym.
5. Halloween costumes. It’s for your own good.
6. That black-tie outfit you bought for one occasion four years ago.
7. Anything with stains, pills, holes, runs or tears that aren’t supposed to be there.
8. Clothes that are too big.
9. Clothes that are too small.
10. Everything that you haven’t worn in one year.
11. Impulse buys that you can’t explain.
12. Clothes that started out as black and have faded into a color that has no name.
13. Socks that don’t match.
14. Belts you can’t buckle.
15. Sentimental college gear from your alma mater. No one needs booty shorts that say “Tigers.”
16. Those three vintage dresses in the back of your closet from that phase when you thought you were going to be a collector of fine goods.
17. Uncomfortable shoes you’ve worn once, maybe twice.
18. Purses with broken handles, wobbly clasps or ink stains.
19. Anything that makes you feel like a stuffed sausage during Sunday dinner.
20. Misshapen, uncomfortable or unsupportive bras.
21. Jackets you can’t zip.
22. Earrings that lost their mate.
23. Tropical vacation clothes you bought in Turks & Caicos and will only wear in Turks & Caicos.
24. Christmas sweaters that a) are ironic, b) light up or c) classify as an inside joke.
25. Rings that leave rings.
26. Hats you never wear because you swear you have a really big head.
27. Worn-out yoga pants that give you a saggy butt.
28. “Special” pieces you save just for Coachella.
29. Bootcut jeans.
30. Dresses that need an army of people to get in and out of.
31. Things you got for free and only keep because they were free.
32. Clothes that need to go to the tailor and never will.
33. Religious jewelry you only wear when you’re conjuring up 90s goth realness.
*By “chuck,” we mean discard responsibly during your closet cleaning process. Host a swap meet in your neighborhood, take gently worn items to Goodwill or The Salvation Army and drop off appropriate clothes to charities like Dress for Success. Sharing is caring.