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10 College Essentials You Never Knew You Needed

What to Pack for College

Legally Blonde; Image: Courtesy

Back to school, back to reality. The dog days of summer are coming to an end and you know what that means: Never-ending dorm wars, pong parties and OK, maybe a little bit of class, too. But first things first. You’re going to need a few things to get you through the year. Here are 10 essential items you may have forgotten on your college packing list.

1. Noise-Canceling Headphones

Unless you want to listen to your overly-energized neighbor fake eight orgasms with her long-distance boyfriend at four in the morning, we suggest noise-canceling headphones. Pronto.

2. Basic Bitch PJs

This isn’t a production of Cat on a Hot Tin Roof and you’re not Elizabeth Taylor. Put down the silk negligee. It’s just weird. 

3. The Overachieving Interview Dress

You’ll probably hear people tell you to bring a formal dress to college. But those are the same people who will also tell you to bring a sewing kit. 1954 is over. What you really need is a simple black interview dress because a) you need to bag an internship and b) you’ll be up to your armpits in student debt.

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4. Boring High Heels

See número three. Any questions?

5. Every Halloween Costume You’ve Ever Worn

College just wouldn’t be the same without themed parties: Mathletes and Athletes, Guys in Ties and Girls in Pearls, Bathing Suits and Cowboy Boots…the list is endless. Rise to the challenge, young grasshopper.

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6. A Scarf You Will Become Awkwardly Attached To

Universities have a knack for turning classrooms into subarctic caves of slumber. Just before your eyelashes freeze to your face, grab your scarf from your bag. Frostbite is a pain.

7. An Indestructible Water Bottle

Dainty designer bottles are pretty, but can they withstand being rolled over by an American Spirit-smoking hipster driving a hybrid? We didn’t think so. You’ll need a Nalgene for that.

8. Mirrored Sunglasses to Help You Get Your Creep On

Your parents may not want to hear it, but you’ll be drunk, hungover and slightly spaced out for four years. You’ll also be busy trying to avoid any one-night blunders like the plague. That’s where mirrored sunglasses come in. Work the magic.

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9. New “Period Free” Undies

Let’s be very clear here. New underwear needs to be at the top of your “what to pack for college” list. Why? Because you’re going to be doing your laundry in public. With boys. Who will take out your clothes from the dryer if you don’t hover in front of it like a honeybee. Need we say more?

10. Loungewear That Can Leave Your Room

College students have a black belt in the ancient art of lounging. They take it very seriously. Do not interrupt the chi.