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Lindsay Lohan is Writing a Film Script

Every time I read about Lindsay Lohan, I just can't help but be impressed. I've been harping on and on about the sheer force of her fame, but it's truly incredible that she doesn't have to leave her house and people still freak out about her. Consider this: LiLo was the most popular female celebrity on the entire internet in the past week. Angelina Jolie was prancing around in Cambodia for Louis Vuitton ads and Jennifer Aniston was man-stealing, and neither one of the A-listers managed to score as much attention as Little Miss Grounded Lindsay.

If that seems horrifying, I have something that'll horrify you even more: Lindsay agrees that it's horrifying, and she's going so far as to write a film script for a horror film based on her time locked up under house arrest. Reports say that she's working to develop a movie because no one in their right mind is willing to cast her, so I don't know why she thinks anyone would be willing to invest in the project, but it doesn't matter. Lindsay Lohan should come to Brooklyn and I'll help her turn this thing into the best movie of all time. In Brooklyn, The Land Where Low-Budget Films Are Made, there's a trustafarian film school grad on every corner that would eat his boat shoes for a chance to work on a high profile project. It would take about 45 seconds on the phone with James Franco to get him to sign on, and I would take the utmost pleasure in cleaning up Lindsay's script. She wouldn't even have to pay me, I'd be so onboard it would make her head spin. (JK about the not paying me thing, though. Lilo must be a real headache to work with, and I'll need major compensation).

[Read more: Earsucker, HaveUHeard]