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ScarJo’s Photo Hacker Faces Over a Century in Jail

ScarJoScarlett Johansson vowed that she wouldn't rest until the person that hacked into her phone and leaked nude photos to the entire internet was brought to justice. The actress rallied the Feds, who were just so grateful to finally have something meaningful to do with all the time on their hands, and within a couple of short months, tracked down and arrested the evil computer hacker. 

The Feds discovered that 35-year-old Christopher Chaney had snooped on other famous ladies, including Mila Kunis and Christina Aguilera. Rather than hiring the skilled snoop, the FBI turned him over to federal prosecutors, who charged him with nine counts of computer hacking, eight counts of aggravated identify theft, and nine counts of illegal wiretapping. Chaney is facing an unfathomable 121 years in jail.

Hey there. So celebrities certainly deserve their privacy and we should discourage people from breaching security and hacking all over the place, but a sentence of 121 years, for digging up some naked pictures and plopping them on the internet, seems excessive. As a society, I think we can find it in our hearts to give this guy a second chance and turn his life around. Let's save our life sentences for people that go on baby-killing sprees, okay? ScarJo: please appeal to the prosecutors. Government workers love you almost as much as they love the American flag, and they'll listen to what you say. Those pictures were pretty embarrassing, but not so embarrassing that the culprit needs to spend the rest of his life rotting in jail.