“BEFORE YOU READ, THIS YOU MUST BE AWARE THAT MANICURES ARE EXTREMELY UNDERRATED!”
YOUR COMMA, PLACEMENT IS INSANE. AND YOU ARE DELUSIONAL IF YOU THINK MANICURES ARE UNDERRATED.
“YOU MAY ALREADY BE ROLLING YOUR EYES, BUT PLEASE LET ME GET A WORD IN ABOUT THIS!”
I AM DEFINITELY ALREADY ROLLING MY EYES AND I WOULD STOP YOU IF I COULD, BUT I CAN’T SO PLEASE CONTINUE!
“I find that any woman—no matter how stylishly she is dressed—is instantly above the rest if well-manicured.”
I find that any woman—no matter how well she is manicured—is instantly above the rest if she has principles and a sense of human decency.
“I know this may sound harsh, but perhaps if I beat it into you, you will CUT THOSE CUTICLES.”
I know this may sound harsh, but perhaps if I beat it into you, you will understand that CUTICLES ARE A NATURAL BARRIER TO BACTERIA AND CUTTING THEM WILL ONLY LEAD TO HARDENED SKIN AND POSSIBLY EVEN INFECTION.
“SIX REASONS YOU SHOULD DO THIS:
I CAN’T WAIT.
“1) HAVING A PERFECT MANICURE INSTANTLY MAKES YOU FEEL BEAUTIFUL AND CLEAN.”
THAT IS SO BORING.
“2) YOU’LL BE READY FOR SEX OR TO PUT A PENIS IN YOUR HAND.”
I THOUGHT HAVING GENITALS MADE ME READY FOR SEX?
“3) IT’S A WAY FOR YOU TO EXPRESS YOURSELF (CAREFUL HOW YOU DO THAT).”
WHAT IF I HAVE ALREADY FOUND MANY WAYS TO EXPRESS MYSELF? (AND DON’T WORRY: I AM CAREFUL TO ALWAYS ONLY EXPRESS THE RIGHT THINGS.)
“4) IT FORCES YOU TO SEE THE IMPORTANCE OF MAKING TIME FOR YOURSELF.”
SO DOES SLEEPING.
“5) IT BOOSTS YOUR SELF-ESTEEM EVERYDAY.”
SO DOES BATHING.
“6) IT PROJECTS AN IMAGE OF SUCCESS, WHICH IS GOOD FOR BIZ.”
THEN WHY ISN’T MITT ROMNEY WORKING SOME TALON CLAWS?
