tFS: Does Kate still drive as much traffic to your blog years after the wedding and the birth of Prince George?
JM: Definitely. Kate is a perennial interest for Go Fug Yourself readers.
HC: Our liveblog of the royal wedding is still, historically, our most-read post. It’s been four years and people still go back and relive it. Interestingly, the two people most clicked-on and commented on are Kate and…Kim Kardashian. Two sides of a coin, in so many ways.
tFS: If you could trade places with Kate for a day, what would you do?
JM: Try on every single Alexander McQueen coat in her closet. (And maybe a tiara or two. And her wedding dress.)
HC: I would have as many conversations with as many people in the royal household as possible. Members of the family included. They could tell me everything. EVERYTHING. I want to know where the bodies are buried, but I also want to know whether the Queen shuffles around in slippers and a bathrobe, or whether Princess Anne is a great get-a-grip friend. I would do some DIGGING. And then write it all down and then not tell anyone, because maybe my discretion would get me a second shot at it from the universe.
tFS: If The Royal We was made into a movie, who would you want to cast as Bex and Nick?
JM: I hope it happens! This is difficult because the book spans nearly a decade, so the actors need to be convincingly 20, and convincingly nearly 30. I actually have no idea who would be good for Nick. I hope this means that, even just hypothetically, we may have to audition scores of hot British men. What a terrible fate. For Bex, I can see Shailene Woodley, or Emma Watson (although she’d need to drag out her American accent again) or Emma Stone. An Emma!
HC: Anyone who’s read the book will probably agree with my “Ed Sheeran for Gaz” campaign. I can’t really see anyone as Bex or Nick or even Freddie, and I like it that way. Because it means that to me, they are simply Bex and Nick and Freddie. If lightning ever were to strike, and it was made into a movie, we’d get to discover who they are totally organically.
tFS: If you could ask Kate or William one question, what would it be?
JM: I’d ask William for Harry’s number.
HC: I’d ask them for forty more questions.
tFS: What’s your top name prediction for royal baby number two?
JM: I would just like to state for the record that I have been saying it would be Alice for MONTHS, well before the media picked this up. Which means it will be a boy.
HC: I am rooting for a boy because I want George to have his Harry. Plus, everyone has been saying they’re sure it’s a girl—since before she was pregnant and some tabloids claimed she was having twin girls like every two weeks—and that got boring to me really fast. Also, honestly, I worry that the scrutiny on a little princess would be more suffocating.
tFS: OK, seriously now. Team Harry or team William?
JM: I love Harry, but all things being equal and all princes being single, I have to vote for Wills. He seems like the sort to call the next morning.
HC: Team William all the way. For shallow reasons, they’re both going to end up bald—sorry, ladies, but The Red Reckoning is already on its way—and I think William will wear it better. But I agree that I think Harry is the one you want to fling and William is the one you want to lock down and grow old with and give the keys to your life-support machine.