8 Things Women Who Hate High Heels Will Understand

If you’ve thrown up your hands and waved the white flag of surrender, congratulations! You’re a bona fide member of the flat brigade, a growing sect of women who have finally refused to wear high heels. Why? Let us count the ways.

1. Comfortable heels are as real and plentiful as baby unicorns.

2. You never know when you’ll need to run like Steve Prefontaine in the 1972 Olympics.

3. No one hobbles in Prada. It’s undignified. 

4. Plantar fasciitis and bunions are not just gross, imaginary afflictions lining subway cars. 

5. Sounding like a Clydesdale at a hometown Thanksgiving parade is only cute when you’re a Clydesdale at a hometown Thanksgiving parade.

6. Because the answer to life’s happiness may, in fact, be found in a designer sneaker. 

7. If you’ve ever gone on a Tinder date in heels when you’re over 5 feet 10 inches tall, you know how this story ends.

8. People like to say beauty is pain. But they also used to say the world was flat. You do the math.