Dear "Slightly fitted but still baggy" grey sweatpants,
We haven’t spoken in a long time…not since high school when you were part of my P.E. uniform, and usually accompanied a long run across a muddy hockey field or some other similarly dirty and depressing activity.
In the last few years I’ve been watching your progress in blogs and magazines with intereste – from unappealing (and quite frankly unflattering) sportswear to slimmed down, hacked up, drop-crotched, street wear – but I still didn’t feel that we should reconnect.
Then I saw an interpretation of your classic form while I was browsing an online store; the curved front pockets caught my eye, the marginally dropped crotch and slight slouch suddenly felt like a viable alternative to jeans.
The first of the accompanying images stoked the flames. Taken from the front, the model looked cool yet relaxed, like the genie from the lamp on a casual day. I kept clicking. The side view was, to be honest, a little less flattering. Still cute, but starting to veer into “I usually wear this to bed but I’m only going to run out and get some milk, so I’m not going to change” territory. I continued clicking, and got to the rear view.
I thought that we’d both changed since those far away high school days, but I can see that we haven’t. I’m still not an athlete, and you still make a person think of elephants wandering across the Serengeti when they see you from the rear. We are destined, it would seem, to remain as acquaintances rather than friends.